When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am naked and annoyed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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