I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
