You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dear god my vagina.
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