My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
