Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
