I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
