I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
sarcasm needs its own font
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize