just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is the high leading the old right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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