Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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