She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
