glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize