wrigley field is MILF paradise
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
