take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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