In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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