so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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