she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize