As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
