before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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