Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
