There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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