My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
