So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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