And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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