i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
