I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
