...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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