fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
