Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
