I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
