dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
