i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
