I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize