I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
