I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
