I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
