It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
