you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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