WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
