wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
