At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
