why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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