Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
