I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
40s are totally the cure
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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