umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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