Quick, to the slutcave!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
