i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
