i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
