once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
how does that bad decision feel?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize