my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
