So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i believe in u and ur pee
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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