Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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