somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
