dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
