Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
