the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize