I want to have your abortion
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
