guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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