Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You can't just leave with hair like that
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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