some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
