There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She even gives head with a lisp.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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