I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
