I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
