just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
