He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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