It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
