this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
