You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
