I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
