Where is the hickey?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
