its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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