I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's rum buckets o'clock
pray to the hookup gods
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
