i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize