"it" just moved
I CAN MOONWALK!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
