see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
