I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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