Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
