Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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