if only i could text you this smell
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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