They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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