Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize