the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
