Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
